Monday, November 10, 2008

Me, it's all about me

That's right. This is a shameless blog about ME! I'm writing this in hopes that some "people" who I can not directly communicate with, will read and maybe go "humm I never knew that". And if they don't, well I guess there isn't really much I can do about it now is there? As for the rest of you people who read (and I'm sure there really aren't that many) maybe you too will go "humm I never knew that" :D

ME: I have intense emotions so when I love, I love with all that is in me. When I am upset, the whole world knows. I'm not good at hiding my emotions although I would love to think that I am. I believe that some think I'm impetuous. Point in fact I may well be, but only in certain areas of my life and certainly not when it comes to those closest to me. Having said that, I am only comfortable using the word "committed" in reference to certain things. I am committed to only 3 things in my life: My God, my FH (future husband), and my children. Everything else I take on a case by case, situation by situation basis. My commitment to them is fierce and all consuming. I will do anything for any of them, up to and including giving my life. I know, I know. You are thinking "how cliche" but let me tell you in the most clear and loud voice I can muster in written word.. with everything in me and with all my being, I will do what ever is required of me to honor those three commitments.

I believe strongly that God has a distinct purpose for my life and I try daily to find that purpose. Sometimes I think I've seen, but alias, I've not. I'm not often discouraged by that because I have faith that abounds and no matter where my days, weeks, months may lead me, I know, without a doubt, that my God is right beside me all the way.

I used to believe that there was no way in the world that a man like my FH could love me the way he does. But his gentle love and faithful endurance has proven otherwise. Now we hold each other up. We lean on each other for strength when we feel we don't have enough of our own. He loves me, and I deeply respect him(yes I love him too hehe). We try every day to honor each other and laugh together. We argue, yes, but our arguments are learning exercises, not wedges. We are driven closer every day by the sheer force of love and respect and the plan that God has put in place for us. It's not perfect. It never will be. But that, my friends, is the beginning of great understanding and forgiveness.

Friends, true friends, I fight for and love. There are very few people in this world I would call my friend. But those that I do, I will give everything I have and do what ever I can as long as it doesn't compromise my commitment to my God or my family. I am generous to a fault some say. I never understood that saying. How could being generous be a fault? My mother used to tell me that I would never have anything in life because I always give it away. As a child, that was a criticism, now I take it as a compliment. She's right, I probably will end up with nothing, material wise, but I'm totally ok with that because what I get in return is worth so very much more than anything money could buy.

Now you are probably thinking, "Holy smokes! Is she full of herself or what?" But no, you are wrong. I have many many faults. Too many to list here I'm afraid but I will attempt to show some.

I am impulsive in certain aspects of my life which can and has lead to trouble. I have a short fuse sometimes. Especially when it comes to injustice done to people I know. I get very vocal even when it comes to people I don't know. And that too has lead me into the line of fire. Not because I'm standing up for what's right, but because sometimes I just don't think before I speak.

I have serious road rage. Not to the extent that I would get out of my car and give someone a thrashing, but sometimes it's a good thing that there isn't anyone else in the car with me.

I don't manage money very well. I can, but most times, more often than not, I don't. I can save for things I dearly want, such as the upcoming wedding, but my mentality isn't financial. The family always has a roof over their heads and food in their belly and for some, that wouldn't be enough, but I guess, for me that is. Yes I wish for more and better things, but more and more every day, I see that those things just aren't important. Yes, making sure our necessities are taken care of is important, and I am getting better at that, bills may be a little behind but not nearly as much as before.

I tend to avoid uncomfortable situations. I don't like facing issues where I know I would have to humble myself and admit my flaws, especially to those who's intentions I am not sure of or don't trust. But again, it's all a work in progress.

So, that's me;for the most part anyway. So to those who read this and to those who should read this, I hope you are somewhat enlightened.