Hello? Are you there? Why can't I hear You?

What's wrong with me? I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling around my head I don't even know where to begin.

One thing I'm feeling more and more lately is sadness because I feel very alone. Since my FH has been away, I've felt isolated and alone. Why do I feel that way? I KNOW in my head that God is there for me, but do I really "feel" it? I read posts and support messages and even bible passages about how God speaks to others. Why isn't He speaking to me? And if He is speaking to me, why can't I hear Him? Am I hearing Him, but not realizing it's Him? How do I get to Him? Surly it can't be as easy as just sitting down reading my bible. That's silly right? Isn't it? I mean honestly, I've read my bible and to me it's an instruction book, not a two-way radio. What's wrong with me? Why am I struggling so desperately with something that seems to come so easily to everyone else? Ok, I know not "everyone" hears God or even finds it easy to communicate with God, but it sure feels like it right now. Am I in the middle of a huge pity party? And is that so wrong? And how do I get out of it? And is ANYBODY listening?